READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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