Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
