I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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