It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
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You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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