I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
