at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
