Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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