Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
