well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
