Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
