Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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