but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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