It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
