Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
