I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
