Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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