She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
