first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
