I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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