i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
