and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
