Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
