How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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