so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
