I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
