Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
