girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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