Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
