Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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