She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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