Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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