did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
