I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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