yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
