kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
