When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
