We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
