I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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