planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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