You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
