im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
