Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
