Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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