I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
