how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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