all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
