I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
