Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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