also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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