This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
