apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
