o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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