$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
