Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
