Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
