we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I supernannyed him into submission
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
