1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
