clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She told me I should be a condom model.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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