I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
