worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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