he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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